Shallow and Selfish

Would be sort of nice if there weren't a million people, a roof overhead and germs lurking

We all go through life assuming we are good people. Perhaps I should only speak for myself. I have always felt I was a good friend, a good daughter (year 14 an understandable pubescent exception) and a good mother.  I have also believed I was an introspective person, some would even say deep. These assumptions have been shaken in the past week and I’m now thinking I’m sort of shallow and selfish too.

A year and a half ago I started yoga. It took a while but I grew to love it. It has been the one time where I don’t think about my to-do list or potential blog topics and always feel great afterward. I’ve made some progress too though I know it’s non-yogi to think in those terms. Recently a new barre class was added to the schedule at the yoga studio I go to. I had been doing Core Fusion prior to yoga and liked it and liked the results. Lately, with running and yoga (and a looong ski season) I had been feeling a little thicker. I tend to feel this way as my running picks up. Well I tried the Figure 4 classes and after a couple of weeks saw the difference. I felt leaner and lengthened and I liked it. Given the choice I was picking Figure 4 over yoga and chided myself for this. I am still doing yoga twice per week but I’m not so proud of my reasoning. I’m choosing body over mind and skinny over sane; it seems I’m not so deep after all.

So I headed into the weekend, newly aware of my shallowness only to find out I had other poor qualities lurking. My husband and a friend of ours were doing a triathlon. There were not many great local lodging options and they decided it would be fun to stay at this “family friendly”  (scary words) resort. It wasn’t my first choice but I went with it. The kids would love the activities and we were only a 20-minute drive from the race location. Saturday morning the boys were begging to go to the waterpark, yep waterpark at the hotel. Marc said he would take them over as I was doing some "work" and I would meet them. Our friends and their kids headed over too. 

When they got there Marc emailed a few pictures. The boys were having a blast. I opened a picture and saw my friend Diane smiling away about to go down the big water slide. I was going to go over and meet up with everyone but I wouldn’t be participating. At 7 and 9 my kids can finally go alone though they also would’ve loved mom coming too. It wasn't going to happen. I was in a hoodie and shorts while my friend greeted me with a huge grin and non-skid pool shoes! I posted on Facebook “am I a bad mother for not going on waterslides with my kids? Tell me what you think, I’m still not going.” I loved one friend who said, “I would rather have a colonoscopy,” I completely agreed.

Many of us strive toward self-improvement. I have built a business around this. Yet I’m also a fan of being realistic and feel it is important to, as the Greeks said, “know thyself.” It seems my self is shallow and selfish. Oh well.

Ever realize you weren’t as great in certain respects as you had hoped? What’s your Achilles heel? Are you shallow? And would you go on the waterslides: germs, crowds, swimsuit and all?

No Issues Naked or Exposure-phobe?

You know those naked people in the locker room at the gym? I am not one of those. Nor am I the girl running down the beach totally at ease in her bikini. I may have the bikini on but I’ll have my cover-up du jour on for more of the time. When we were in France last summer I was amazed at the women young and my mother’s age, thin and no so thin totally at ease with their physiques and teeny swim suits. I tried to act like I was like that, while we were there, but who am I kidding?

I notice this modesty at yoga. I’ve now been doing yoga for a year and declared 2011 the year of the inversion. This year my body will do upside down. Truth be told, I can do a headstand and even a handstand (at home). What’s holding me back from unveiling my poses in class? It’s the fear of my shirt going upside down with me. I am a thin person, this I know. I wear a small size and work out a bunch. I also know that I don’t love the idea of my “I’ve had 2 kids” abs being on display for all of Pure Yoga to see, upside-down no less.

I tweeted about this to my favorite workout-clothing maker Lululemon. I asked, “is there a way of inverting without exposing?” Lululemon, always responsive, suggested their Power Y, Get Focused or Pure Focus tops. While I’m liking the band at the bottom of the Pure Focus, it’s a little too loose looking, even for an exposure-phobe like me. The owner of Nuttzo (amazingly addictive nut butters) suggested I try Yummie Tummie. Yummie Tummie chimed in and thought I’d like their Skinny Tank. Although the photo looks a little sexy for yoga, they promise it’ll do the drink.  I am not usually a fan of “shape wear”. I feel it sucks you in and I end up with a tummy ache from the sucking (not so yummy). We’ll see, I’m willing to test drive these and most likely will.

In yoga this week something happened that may do more for me than any new shirt. We were in class and the teacher led us though a sequence of poses where some people go into headstand and others hang out with their hands and feet on the ground. In this pose I don’t know the name of you are peering through your legs behind you. As the show-offs  people worked their way into headstand, something happened. I looked those in headstand. One of these head standers was a girl I’ve been in class with many times. She’s fit and friendly and can pretty much twist her body into any shape imaginable (hate her, sorry that’s not yogi).  Anyway, I looked over and her top (neither “yummie” nor “focused”) went over along with her. And you know what? Hanging over her yoga pants was a little extra. Love handles or “hatha” handles call them what you will. It somehow made me feel better like cellulite on supermodels. My reaction wasn’t critical but more of a feeling that we all have something.  You’ll never find me at a nudist colony or applying make-up sans clothes but before the end of the year I’ll be going upside down in yoga.

Are you the naked girl in the locker room or an exposure-phobe? Any inversion tips or clothing suggestions? Is there hope I can be a 65-year-old woman prancing down the beach? Do I have to wait that long?

Are you an underachiever?

I know, here we are not even a week into this full-of-potential New Year and I come out with a bummer title like that. I’m not here to burst your motivated bubble; my intentions are good. You see, I was in a session on Monday with a client I’ve known for some time. We were setting goals for the year ahead and I was reviewing her food journal. This client is an exercise hater but we’ve made progress in that department. She has worked out with a trainer and managed to get into a routine where she does something about 3 days a week. As I looked over her exercise total,  I saw that she had done 2 25-minute workouts and one for 30 minutes. Few would argue that this is better than nothing.  I looked asked my client if 35 could be the new 25? She said, “it probably could, I just get to 25 minutes and feel I’ve done enough, I have the time though.”

You may call it settling into a routine but I think there are places for all of us where we consistently underachieve. There are certain yoga poses I just don’t do. Some of them I am incapable of going into without serious bodily harm. Others, I don’t do because I never do them. Occasionally I attempt a non-Lauren pose and I am surprised.  Aside from fitness, this same mentality apply to eating. How often you resort to take out when you have ingredients at home you could technically cook? Or do you have a snack after dinner simply because you always have a snack after dinner? Maybe you’re not hungry on a particular day; if you’re on autopilot you may not even notice this.

So while we’re setting lofty goals (did I really say I was writing a book?), think of the details too. Take a minute to file the papers on your desk rather than shuffling them or bring your lunch to work when there are leftovers, stretch after your run, you get it. There’s a difference between cutting yourself a break here and there and consistently copping out. OK having said all this, I should probably start to file and run more than a few miles at a time.

What areas do you see yourself underachieving? Would you call it underachieving?

Will I ever be able to do a headstand in yoga class?