Jen Goodman Linn: You Were Fearless

From YouFearless.com Jen's Blog

Two years ago, a client was referred to me. When I received her information forms, my heart sunk. The paperwork described a woman, in her thirties, who had been diagnosed with Sarcoma, a rare cancer, in 2003. She had already endured 26 months of chemo and 4 abdominal surgeries. The next day, in my waiting room, was this adorable, bubbly girl with a wide smile and beautiful white teeth. When we started to talk, she was very pragmatic. She was cancer free but wanted to put herself in the best place nutritionally in the event that the cancer came back (and she said it just like that). We devised a plan and, not one to waste precious time, she immediately implemented everything we outlined. This client's name is Jen but I no longer think of her as my client. I think of her as my friend, my teacher and my hero who I will miss so very much. Jen passed away on Wednesday and her funeral is today. 

‎"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it is the life in your years."-Abe Lincoln

The quote above appeared on Jen’s Facebook page where people have been sending their wishes and sharing their sadness. Jen wasn't one to stay sad though; she knew how to live. She and her husband Dave started Cycle for Survival and it’s the most successful patient initiated charity Memorial Sloan Kettering has ever had raising over nine million dollars to for rare cancers. I remember sitting with Jen, in November, she was at Sloan getting a blood transfusion and fairly weak. Never one to let an opportunity slip away Jen was signing nurses up for Cycle. Marc and I were honored to experience  Cycle this spring on Team Fearless, Jen’s team. And in all the times I have seen Jen since that first office visit, that smile never faded.

I don’t have wit in me right now but tried to capture some Jen lessons:

Rejoice in what your body can do. 

The second Jen was cleared by doctors she was at the gym trying to regain her strength. Oh and did I mention she asked for a stationary bike in her hospital room? She started Cycle, in part, because spinning was what kept her sane though her treatments and illness. I wrote about Jen before I ran Chicago this year. I was anxious about the race (the weather was much like today) and received this email from Jen:

I am so excited for your marathon next week. If you get tired running just think of the fact that many of us take for granted what a privilege it is to be able to run. With my stomach cramps and tumors, I haven't been able to truly run in years. I miss it so, so much. So enjoy all 26.2 miles because you can! I will be cheering for you from afar.

I will run this morning before the funeral Jen, because I can, and I'll think of you; I’ll play Chumbawamba too.

Know when to see the trees instead of the forest.

Jen endured a roller coaster life of progress and setbacks. When she received news that wasn’t good, she wanted a plan. When the plan for the new treatment was in place, Jen would focus on the steps involved or the treatments. She was like a quarterback who could hone in on the play without getting distracted by all that was happening around them. I think this helped her live fearlessly.  So when you are daunted, sit back and make a game plan. Anytime you feel shaky just refer to the plan. There is something very Zen about this.

Vanity is Good

Jen often joked, “I can be bald or fat but not both” and wrote a great WebMD piece about this. I had found it hard to figure out how clients battling things way more important than weight cared about their weight. Jen’s doctor explained it “being vain is a GREAT thing. It shows that you have a true desire and willingness to live." There is something about our hair and our weight that is integral to who we are. It isn’t shallow to cling to these things when tested. It shows you are hanging on.

Tell People What You Need (or Don’t Need)

Jen was her own advocate. I heard from Jen regularly and at one point didn’t get a reply. I panicked. I  sent Jen an email “everything OK?” I made a mistake and said “I’m worried.”  Jen emailed back all right. She said, “please don’t say you’re worried. It makes me anxious.” While I was daunted at first, I learned a lot about communicating with people when they are ill from Jen.  I made another mistake on July 11^th.  Jen’s doctors had some concerns about her blood work and we were emailing about what she should eat. I offered to drop off some things after work. Only, it got late and I didn’t think I should bother her. Jen sent an email I got in the morning “I didn’t know if you were coming, no package was left.” She called me on it and that was my last email from her. I'm sorry Jen, what I would do now for one more conversation, to see that smile one last time.

 Jen turned 40 this past March. She was the happiest person in the worth to turn 40. It was a gift and she did a “dance” video in her own honor. This makes me smile; please watch it to see Jen in action.

In Jen’s words:

“We all have a choice in how we want to live our lives … I have chosen to be Me Fearless. I have applied this approach to every aspect of my life and, in the process, I’ve discovered that amazing things present themselves. My mission now is to encourage those around me to apply that philosophy to their lives and relish in the results. You can become You Fearless.”

Let’s all try, in Jen's honor. 
Jen chronicled her journey on her site youfearless.com.

Doomed Resolutions (and how to improve them)

What are the two most common resolutions? No drumroll needed, weight loss is number 1 and number 2 is to not make any resolutions. Last year I gave you my 2 cents on resolutions in In Defense of Resolutions. I still remain steadfastly pro-resolution.  I rejoice in resolutions and encourage my clients do the same. But there’s a method to resolution-making: You need to make resolutions that are realistic – not revolutionary. Here are my five resolutions not to make, and what to do instead:

(I wrote this piece for Blisstree)

Result Resolutions. An example of these is the classic and clichéd aforementioned, “I will lose X number of pounds.” While it’s perfectly fine to wish for weight loss, this is no road map to get you where you want to go.

Resolution Evolution: Focus instead on the behaviors that may be holding you back. Is your oven being used as alternative storage? Maybe you need to cook more often. Is there only milk for your coffee in your fridge? Focus on food shopping. Are you hitting the vending machine during the afternoon at the office? Bring healthier snacks to work. If you change these behaviors, weight loss (and subsequent maintenance) stands a chance.

Never Say Never. No, Really. We all have our vices and it’s not out of the question to give them up. I have a good friend who started drinking green tea instead of soda (yes!), but you want to set yourself up to succeed and not aim to wipe something out completely.

Resolution Evolution: The key with a goal like this is to avoid using the word “never.” With the soda example, my friend first cut her “habit” down to one a day, then weekends only – and now she’s soda-free.

Flying solo. Let’s face it, whether you’re training for a running race or trying to eat less sugar you are going to stumble. When your internal motivation wanes, there needs to be a back-up plan or safety net. I can tell you when I had doubts while training for the Chicago Marathon, knowing I had blogged about it kept me on track.

Resolution Evolution: Accountability and support can help you stick to your resolutions. If your goal is to start working out, perhaps you can join a running group or select an ongoing yoga class. If you want to work on your eating habits, seek out a nutritionist foodtrainers.net or email a weekly food journal to a friend.

Putting-All-Your-Eggs-In-One-Basket-Resolutions. You want to make resolutionS, as in more than 1. For starters, there’s probably more than one thing you can benefit from improving, and some are easier to accomplish than others.

Resolution Evolution: At Foodtrainers, our clients make multiple resolutions and use them as a road map for the year ahead. Goals can be as simple as “learn to make soup” or “stretch more.” Rather than falling off the wagon, you’ll find that during different parts of the year you’re doing better with certain goals. You’ll also most likely be successful in a few areas and this will spur you on.

What Resolution? The sad fact is that well before we “spring ahead,” most resolutions have gone by the wayside (or jumped onto our backside). Instead of hanging on for dear life and regularly slipping up, expect inconsistency.

Resolution Evolution: Set a resolution reminder on your computer or phone for the first of every month. Perform a resolution review. If your workouts aren’t happening the way you had hoped, re-group and refine your plan. The act of veering and re-grouping is actually the number one weight loss skill.

For selfish purposes (not one to fly solo) some of my 2011 resolutions:
Run 2 half marathons- I am planning to kick off my 2011 running with the More ½ marathon and I’d love company. I most likely will pick a marathon (or ultra) but haven’t yet.
I’ve coined 2011 the year of the headstand for me. I stuck with yoga and now I want to face some of my flexibility “fears”.
Cycle for Survival is in February, I’m honored to be doing “Cycle” and I’m on team fearless. This is a huge source of inspiration for me, please help support the cause.
1 new recipe a week-I want to be less of a cooking creature of habit and will try at least one new something each week and tell you about it.
 I’m a financial imbecile and want to get on top of things.
And finally and I can’t believe I’m putting this out there. I want to write more. I love blogging and want to write the book I’ve been postponing.
What’s on your evolved resolution list? I’d love to hear and promise to check in with you and keep you honest.  Let’s check back on February 1.

November Challenge

It’s November first today. A few of you may recall, when I set my resolutions that I mentioned I’d follow up on my progress on the 1st of each month. The good news is that I am fairly content in my results having run Chicago, started yoga (which I now would say I love) and I’m happy I set these benchmarks to carry with me and strive for. I also have to say that writing about these monthly is another story. Enough about me, I want to use today to challenge you. If you read this blog regularly (thank you I worship you) you’ll know that I dedicated my Chicago marathon to 2 important J’s in my life. Little J was at my apartment for trick-or-treating last night. I didn’t tell any of my friends about his ordeal and nobody, until told, suspected anything other than a costumed, candy craving child on a mission to collect big. He should be back in first grade soon and his mother, who I wrote about,well I saw her smile last night too.

Older J, has a name, it’s Jen but you can call her fearless Jen too. I saw fearless Jen on Friday. I email with Jen a lot but asked if there was a way I could come and see her. I wanted to see if I could help with her nutrition but I also just wanted to sit and talk. I went to Sloan Kettering to keep Jen company during a blood transfusion. Jen encouraged me to come early, before she got too groggy. I walked into the hospital room and a beaming Jen smiled at me. I met her mom too, also trying her best to be cheery. Her mom snapped the photo of Jen and me (above) for Jen’s You Fearless blog. Jen explained to me that the chemo she was on wasn’t helping and she was about to embark on another potent combination chemo. She is in a lot of pain at this point so it’s key that this next “cocktail” is effective. Yet no time with Jen is doom and gloom. Jen was busy recruiting nurses and hospital staff for Cycle for Survival. “Cycle” is an amazing event and charity started by Jen and her husband Dave. Cycle 2011 will be on February 12th and 13th and here is where your challenge comes in.

Cycle is currently in New York, Long Island, Chicago and as of last week San Francisco. Do not despair if you are not in these cities you can start a satellite team. There are 4 hour shifts that can be divided up. I do have to say the idea of the “extreme” option where you cycle for 4 hours appealed to my “aint no mountain high enough” side. You can decide what’s right for you. It’s winter and exercising outside is getting tougher. This is a great cause, a great goal and I encourage, ok implore, you to register. I know where I’ll be during Cycle. Jen looked at me on Friday and said “you’ll be on my team, team Fearless.”
Do you think you'll try Cycle or tell your friends about it? Do you have any J's in your life who inspire you? What are you fearful of?