Does Slimming Down Make You Shallow?

I love reading other blogs and the corresponding comments. One of my favorite blogs is Ivy League Insecurities. Aidan, who writes ILI, recently had a baby, her third. Although she had the baby just six weeks ago, she’s eager to get her body back and posted about this. In my line of work, this is totally normal. At the 6 week mark, most women are cleared for exercise by their doctors and starting to emerge from the new baby fog. Yet, Aidan was somewhat reluctant to share her desire to downsize. In her words “I feel a bit embarrassed and ashamed that I am writing about something that is admittedly so much more superficial than other things I could write about.”

I chimed in and told Aidan she’s shouldn’t apologize for her interest in “losing it.” How we feel about our bodies influences how we feel in general. Taking control of your body, after carrying a baby, or after gaining weight for other reasons often has a carryover effect. Taking the reigns, as I see it, is a good thing and about more than simply fitting in your “reference jeans”. If Aidan had been writing about confidence or carving out time for herself she might feel it was less superficial. Weight loss is as much about that as it is getting physically smaller.

Another commenter had a very different opinion of the post. Someone named Mary said “when I saw the title my heart dropped a bit and I was saddened… sad because with a newborn and 2 littles you were already dissatisfied with yourself.” Now I (vaguely) recall those early days after each of my boys were born. I remember staring at them amazed that they had been inside me for nine months. Yet, this infant adoration didn’t blind me to my post baby pooch. I don't know if I was "dissatisfied" with myself, it was more like I wasn't my, physical, self.

Aidan closed her post indicating she should honor her body more. She asked readers “when it comes to your body and your own appearance, are you forgiving or exacting?” I don’t think these qualities are mutually exclusive. There isn’t a day I go for a run that I’m not grateful that my body works. Having lived with a parent who was an amputee later in life, I do not take health for granted. I would say I absolutely honor my body AND like my jeans to fit.

Do you think it’s sad to want to lose weight? Should we be thinking and writing about more “important” topics? What would be your answer to Aidan’s question, are you “forgiving” or “exacting” when it comes to your body?

"Don't be so hard on yourself" doesn't always work

I keep a notebook on my desk during client sessions. Here and there I jot down tidbits that strike a chord with me and I feel others can relate to. Today I was in session with a client we’ll call C because C was confused. C had a history of beating herself up when it comes to food. Recently I wrote about the importance of self-compassion something C didn’t have a whole lot of in the past. Prior to coming to see me though, C decided not to be so hard on herself and she was succeeding. The problem is she wasn’t feeling very well. In her words (the words I wrote in my notebook) “I decided not to be hard on myself and now I’m not accomplishing anything.” C’s clothes weren’t fitting well and the problem wasn’t isolated to food. She was having a hard time organizing her day in general. It’s as though “don’t be so hard on yourself” in some ways wasn’t working or was working too well. For the record, C looks great, unlike the stock photo above, but she doesn’t feel great.

I think many of us can relate to this. Whether it’s the runner who goes from marathon training to rarely running or the person who goes and vacation and decides they will eat whatever then want while away and continues to do so once home. It’s very hard to find the correct balance when it comes to guilt and goals. This isn’t just about being on or off or black and white. This is about finding a way to be productive without punitive measures we all know end up backfiring.

So how does one do this? I have a couple of ideas:

The first I call negative splits a term runners will recognize. In a long training run or race the goal is to be conservative in the first half of the race so that the second half can be run faster than the first and a better overall time is achieved. I apply this to food behaviors. In my first session with clients I find many are surprised. If a client isn’t already exercising I may suggest 60 minutes of exercise over 2 days. Or, if a client never cooks I may recommend cooking (or “assembling”) one dinner a week. This is generally met with a “this is supposed to be harder, I want to lose weight” look. I assure clients we will ratchet things up but encourage them to trust me, lowering the bar initially will lead to confidence and feelings of success. It will also eventually lead to better long-term results.

The second tool is called a victory list. A victory list is the direct opposite of beating yourself up. At the end of the day, think of one thing you did well and record it. My professional world is food-centric and so examples would be “hydrated well” or “skipped bagels at the meeting” or “ate lots of vegetables.” If you think this sounds hokey, chances are you would really benefit from trying it.

I will let you know how it goes for C. I really hope C soon stands for “confident” instead of “confused”.

Do you think it’s possible to be too easy on yourself? How do you strike the balance between self-critical and self-control?

No Issues Naked or Exposure-phobe?

You know those naked people in the locker room at the gym? I am not one of those. Nor am I the girl running down the beach totally at ease in her bikini. I may have the bikini on but I’ll have my cover-up du jour on for more of the time. When we were in France last summer I was amazed at the women young and my mother’s age, thin and no so thin totally at ease with their physiques and teeny swim suits. I tried to act like I was like that, while we were there, but who am I kidding?

I notice this modesty at yoga. I’ve now been doing yoga for a year and declared 2011 the year of the inversion. This year my body will do upside down. Truth be told, I can do a headstand and even a handstand (at home). What’s holding me back from unveiling my poses in class? It’s the fear of my shirt going upside down with me. I am a thin person, this I know. I wear a small size and work out a bunch. I also know that I don’t love the idea of my “I’ve had 2 kids” abs being on display for all of Pure Yoga to see, upside-down no less.

I tweeted about this to my favorite workout-clothing maker Lululemon. I asked, “is there a way of inverting without exposing?” Lululemon, always responsive, suggested their Power Y, Get Focused or Pure Focus tops. While I’m liking the band at the bottom of the Pure Focus, it’s a little too loose looking, even for an exposure-phobe like me. The owner of Nuttzo (amazingly addictive nut butters) suggested I try Yummie Tummie. Yummie Tummie chimed in and thought I’d like their Skinny Tank. Although the photo looks a little sexy for yoga, they promise it’ll do the drink.  I am not usually a fan of “shape wear”. I feel it sucks you in and I end up with a tummy ache from the sucking (not so yummy). We’ll see, I’m willing to test drive these and most likely will.

In yoga this week something happened that may do more for me than any new shirt. We were in class and the teacher led us though a sequence of poses where some people go into headstand and others hang out with their hands and feet on the ground. In this pose I don’t know the name of you are peering through your legs behind you. As the show-offs  people worked their way into headstand, something happened. I looked those in headstand. One of these head standers was a girl I’ve been in class with many times. She’s fit and friendly and can pretty much twist her body into any shape imaginable (hate her, sorry that’s not yogi).  Anyway, I looked over and her top (neither “yummie” nor “focused”) went over along with her. And you know what? Hanging over her yoga pants was a little extra. Love handles or “hatha” handles call them what you will. It somehow made me feel better like cellulite on supermodels. My reaction wasn’t critical but more of a feeling that we all have something.  You’ll never find me at a nudist colony or applying make-up sans clothes but before the end of the year I’ll be going upside down in yoga.

Are you the naked girl in the locker room or an exposure-phobe? Any inversion tips or clothing suggestions? Is there hope I can be a 65-year-old woman prancing down the beach? Do I have to wait that long?