Shallow and Selfish

Would be sort of nice if there weren't a million people, a roof overhead and germs lurking

We all go through life assuming we are good people. Perhaps I should only speak for myself. I have always felt I was a good friend, a good daughter (year 14 an understandable pubescent exception) and a good mother.  I have also believed I was an introspective person, some would even say deep. These assumptions have been shaken in the past week and I’m now thinking I’m sort of shallow and selfish too.

A year and a half ago I started yoga. It took a while but I grew to love it. It has been the one time where I don’t think about my to-do list or potential blog topics and always feel great afterward. I’ve made some progress too though I know it’s non-yogi to think in those terms. Recently a new barre class was added to the schedule at the yoga studio I go to. I had been doing Core Fusion prior to yoga and liked it and liked the results. Lately, with running and yoga (and a looong ski season) I had been feeling a little thicker. I tend to feel this way as my running picks up. Well I tried the Figure 4 classes and after a couple of weeks saw the difference. I felt leaner and lengthened and I liked it. Given the choice I was picking Figure 4 over yoga and chided myself for this. I am still doing yoga twice per week but I’m not so proud of my reasoning. I’m choosing body over mind and skinny over sane; it seems I’m not so deep after all.

So I headed into the weekend, newly aware of my shallowness only to find out I had other poor qualities lurking. My husband and a friend of ours were doing a triathlon. There were not many great local lodging options and they decided it would be fun to stay at this “family friendly”  (scary words) resort. It wasn’t my first choice but I went with it. The kids would love the activities and we were only a 20-minute drive from the race location. Saturday morning the boys were begging to go to the waterpark, yep waterpark at the hotel. Marc said he would take them over as I was doing some "work" and I would meet them. Our friends and their kids headed over too. 

When they got there Marc emailed a few pictures. The boys were having a blast. I opened a picture and saw my friend Diane smiling away about to go down the big water slide. I was going to go over and meet up with everyone but I wouldn’t be participating. At 7 and 9 my kids can finally go alone though they also would’ve loved mom coming too. It wasn't going to happen. I was in a hoodie and shorts while my friend greeted me with a huge grin and non-skid pool shoes! I posted on Facebook “am I a bad mother for not going on waterslides with my kids? Tell me what you think, I’m still not going.” I loved one friend who said, “I would rather have a colonoscopy,” I completely agreed.

Many of us strive toward self-improvement. I have built a business around this. Yet I’m also a fan of being realistic and feel it is important to, as the Greeks said, “know thyself.” It seems my self is shallow and selfish. Oh well.

Ever realize you weren’t as great in certain respects as you had hoped? What’s your Achilles heel? Are you shallow? And would you go on the waterslides: germs, crowds, swimsuit and all?

Does Slimming Down Make You Shallow?

I love reading other blogs and the corresponding comments. One of my favorite blogs is Ivy League Insecurities. Aidan, who writes ILI, recently had a baby, her third. Although she had the baby just six weeks ago, she’s eager to get her body back and posted about this. In my line of work, this is totally normal. At the 6 week mark, most women are cleared for exercise by their doctors and starting to emerge from the new baby fog. Yet, Aidan was somewhat reluctant to share her desire to downsize. In her words “I feel a bit embarrassed and ashamed that I am writing about something that is admittedly so much more superficial than other things I could write about.”

I chimed in and told Aidan she’s shouldn’t apologize for her interest in “losing it.” How we feel about our bodies influences how we feel in general. Taking control of your body, after carrying a baby, or after gaining weight for other reasons often has a carryover effect. Taking the reigns, as I see it, is a good thing and about more than simply fitting in your “reference jeans”. If Aidan had been writing about confidence or carving out time for herself she might feel it was less superficial. Weight loss is as much about that as it is getting physically smaller.

Another commenter had a very different opinion of the post. Someone named Mary said “when I saw the title my heart dropped a bit and I was saddened… sad because with a newborn and 2 littles you were already dissatisfied with yourself.” Now I (vaguely) recall those early days after each of my boys were born. I remember staring at them amazed that they had been inside me for nine months. Yet, this infant adoration didn’t blind me to my post baby pooch. I don't know if I was "dissatisfied" with myself, it was more like I wasn't my, physical, self.

Aidan closed her post indicating she should honor her body more. She asked readers “when it comes to your body and your own appearance, are you forgiving or exacting?” I don’t think these qualities are mutually exclusive. There isn’t a day I go for a run that I’m not grateful that my body works. Having lived with a parent who was an amputee later in life, I do not take health for granted. I would say I absolutely honor my body AND like my jeans to fit.

Do you think it’s sad to want to lose weight? Should we be thinking and writing about more “important” topics? What would be your answer to Aidan’s question, are you “forgiving” or “exacting” when it comes to your body?