Body Bucket List

Back in January, a friend forwarded me one of those chain emails.  While I delete most of these poems and puzzles, there is one type I like or am a sucker for. I like the questionnaires that asks crucial questions such as “coffee or tea?” or “best meal you’ve ever had”.  The email I received from a friend  was entitled “BUCKET LIST” and the instructions were to simply place an X next to all the things you’ve done. Items ranged from “danced like on one was watching” to “watched the sunrise with someone.”

My friend A*, always out to improve things, wrote back with her answers, and said, “I think there should be an add-on, five things not on the list you would have on your bucket list.  I don’t want to divulge her list (though she can if she leaves a comment) but two items resonated with me. One was “hike Machu Picchu” and the other “feel really good in a bikini.” I had the idea a Body Bucket list but have sat on it for months unsure what my five body “add ons” would be and somehow nervous that I had to pinpoint the right items. I’m over my hesitation but do not be surprised if I edit these items at a later date. I'm all for goal setting and challenges (remember how much I love resolutions).

Before I kick the bucket or my window of opportunity closes I’d like to:

1.     Run an Ultra marathon. I’ve run half marathons and marathons. While I’d love to run the Boston marathon one day, the new qualifying times make that unlikely. I have no triathlon dreams but I can run and enjoy it. Ultra marathons vary in length all the way up to 100 miles. I think I could do it…slowly.

2.     Bungee jump or sky dive- while neither of these really depend on my body per se, I’d like to do one or both of them. I am not a risk taker by nature but I like the idea of controlled risk.

3.     Train for and hike something important- I passed on an opportunity to climb Kilimanjaro this year. Marc and I thought about it but the time spent away from the boys (and work) didn’t seem feasible. I like A’s idea of Machu Picchu too and we penciled it in for our 40^th birthdays (years and years from now).

4.     Get back on a bike- Marc is training for a tri and said to me “do you know how to ride a bike? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you ride?” I met Marc in 94’ but I don’t think I’ve been on a bike since summer camp. The truth is I was never, even as a child, much of a bike rider. I do know how! I’m going to buy a bike and start riding and will let you know if there’s truth to “it’s just like riding a bike” we’ll see.

5.     Get in the best shape possible- A’s “feel really good in a bikini” resonated with me. I’m not someone with real weight loss aspirations. My weight is pretty stable; I wear a small clothing size and do wear bikinis (though I spend more time with a cover up on, I’m a cover-upper).  I’ve been in marathon shape, I’ve been skinny but I don’t feel I’ve been in the best shape I can be in.  My boys are away at camp for seven weeks this summer. Who knows? Maybe I’ll cross this item off my list.

 Are there any items on my body bucket list you’ve already done? What would be on your body bucket list? Do you have 5 items? 

*A. has appeared on this blog before, she’s a great idea person and jokingly referred to herself as my blog muse. 

"Don't be so hard on yourself" doesn't always work

I keep a notebook on my desk during client sessions. Here and there I jot down tidbits that strike a chord with me and I feel others can relate to. Today I was in session with a client we’ll call C because C was confused. C had a history of beating herself up when it comes to food. Recently I wrote about the importance of self-compassion something C didn’t have a whole lot of in the past. Prior to coming to see me though, C decided not to be so hard on herself and she was succeeding. The problem is she wasn’t feeling very well. In her words (the words I wrote in my notebook) “I decided not to be hard on myself and now I’m not accomplishing anything.” C’s clothes weren’t fitting well and the problem wasn’t isolated to food. She was having a hard time organizing her day in general. It’s as though “don’t be so hard on yourself” in some ways wasn’t working or was working too well. For the record, C looks great, unlike the stock photo above, but she doesn’t feel great.

I think many of us can relate to this. Whether it’s the runner who goes from marathon training to rarely running or the person who goes and vacation and decides they will eat whatever then want while away and continues to do so once home. It’s very hard to find the correct balance when it comes to guilt and goals. This isn’t just about being on or off or black and white. This is about finding a way to be productive without punitive measures we all know end up backfiring.

So how does one do this? I have a couple of ideas:

The first I call negative splits a term runners will recognize. In a long training run or race the goal is to be conservative in the first half of the race so that the second half can be run faster than the first and a better overall time is achieved. I apply this to food behaviors. In my first session with clients I find many are surprised. If a client isn’t already exercising I may suggest 60 minutes of exercise over 2 days. Or, if a client never cooks I may recommend cooking (or “assembling”) one dinner a week. This is generally met with a “this is supposed to be harder, I want to lose weight” look. I assure clients we will ratchet things up but encourage them to trust me, lowering the bar initially will lead to confidence and feelings of success. It will also eventually lead to better long-term results.

The second tool is called a victory list. A victory list is the direct opposite of beating yourself up. At the end of the day, think of one thing you did well and record it. My professional world is food-centric and so examples would be “hydrated well” or “skipped bagels at the meeting” or “ate lots of vegetables.” If you think this sounds hokey, chances are you would really benefit from trying it.

I will let you know how it goes for C. I really hope C soon stands for “confident” instead of “confused”.

Do you think it’s possible to be too easy on yourself? How do you strike the balance between self-critical and self-control?

Are you an underachiever?

I know, here we are not even a week into this full-of-potential New Year and I come out with a bummer title like that. I’m not here to burst your motivated bubble; my intentions are good. You see, I was in a session on Monday with a client I’ve known for some time. We were setting goals for the year ahead and I was reviewing her food journal. This client is an exercise hater but we’ve made progress in that department. She has worked out with a trainer and managed to get into a routine where she does something about 3 days a week. As I looked over her exercise total,  I saw that she had done 2 25-minute workouts and one for 30 minutes. Few would argue that this is better than nothing.  I looked asked my client if 35 could be the new 25? She said, “it probably could, I just get to 25 minutes and feel I’ve done enough, I have the time though.”

You may call it settling into a routine but I think there are places for all of us where we consistently underachieve. There are certain yoga poses I just don’t do. Some of them I am incapable of going into without serious bodily harm. Others, I don’t do because I never do them. Occasionally I attempt a non-Lauren pose and I am surprised.  Aside from fitness, this same mentality apply to eating. How often you resort to take out when you have ingredients at home you could technically cook? Or do you have a snack after dinner simply because you always have a snack after dinner? Maybe you’re not hungry on a particular day; if you’re on autopilot you may not even notice this.

So while we’re setting lofty goals (did I really say I was writing a book?), think of the details too. Take a minute to file the papers on your desk rather than shuffling them or bring your lunch to work when there are leftovers, stretch after your run, you get it. There’s a difference between cutting yourself a break here and there and consistently copping out. OK having said all this, I should probably start to file and run more than a few miles at a time.

What areas do you see yourself underachieving? Would you call it underachieving?

Will I ever be able to do a headstand in yoga class?